Life of George Washington, The Citizen, lithograph by Claude Regnier, after Junius Brutus Stearns, 1854, depicts the marriage of George Washington and Martha Dandridge Custis at White House Plantation in New Kent County. Courtesy of Mount Vernon Ladies’ Association.
With Valentine’s Day near, it’s only natural that we look to love stories. Our modern-day ideas about love, reflected in endless romance novels and romantic comedy movies, usually feature a tumultuous courtship followed by a wedding and a happily ever after. When we think about love in Colonial America, arrangements for financial obligation and unhappy, loveless marriages seem to come to mind. There are many times when that description would be correct. In the case of George and Martha Washington, what may have started off as an arrangement, appears to have been a match that grew into much more.
The Future Lady Washington
Martha Dandridge was born and raised at Chestnut Grove Plantation, on the banks of the Pamunkey River in New Kent County. She grew up comfortably, but the Dandridges were not the richest nor most socially influential. That all changed when Martha married Daniel Parke Custis. Though 20 years older than Martha, he was from one of the wealthiest and most socially prominent families in Virginia. When Custis died just seven years later, Martha became one of the wealthiest widows in the state at the age of 26.
Owning the White House Plantation, with its 17,500 surrounding acres, meant that Martha Dandridge Custis would not need to remarry for financial security. However, the young mother of two may not have wanted the solitary life. Instead, she longed for the companionship of marriage and the potential to have more children.
The Future President
George Washington was also born and raised in the Northern Neck and southeast Virginia. He was born in Popes Creek, Westmoreland County and grew up at Ferry Farm, Stafford County. At the time that he met Martha in the spring of 1758, he was a respected military hero and a high-ranking officer in the colonies — Colonel of the Virginia Regiment and Commander in Chief of all forces now raised in the defense of His Majesty’s Colony —and had just recently inherited an estate when his older half-brother, Lawrence, died. The 2,000-acre estate, called Mount Vernon, was situated on the Potomac, on land that had been in the Washington family since 1674.
The Courtship of Washington, engraved by John C. McRae, 1860. Courtesy of Mount Vernon Ladies’ Association.
The Widow Custis Looks for a Husband
As a young, attractive and very wealthy widow, Martha was quite a catch. She had several suitors, including Charles Carter of Cleve (England), who was a member of the House of Burgesses and the son of Robert “King” Carter, former Virginia Governor and one of the wealthiest men in the colonies. George, though well-respected and wealthy, did not have quite the social standing and wealth of Martha and her other suitors. Nevertheless, there must have been some attraction and affection between them. They met only a handful of times that spring of 1758 before they married in 1759.
George wrote a letter to a friend about Martha in the fall of 1758, in which he talked about the “animating prospect of possessing Mrs. Custis,” showing a fondness for Martha and an anticipation of starting a new chapter in life. However, it is important to note that the friend was Sally Cary Fairfax. Here is where we need to take a little side trip.
Unrequited Love or Something Else?
Sally Cary was the oldest of four daughters of Col. Wilson Cary, a member of the House of Burgesses and one of the wealthiest men in Virginia. Because of her attractiveness and means, she was one of the most sought-after belles in Virginia society. Out of her many suitors, George William Fairfax, son of Colonel William Fairfax, won out. The Fairfax family, with its connection to English aristocracy, was at the very top of colonial society. They were married in 1748.
George William’s sister, Anne, had previously married Lawrence Washington, who had a younger half-brother named ... George. To help increase his younger brother’s standing in society, Lawrence encouraged George to visit the Fairfaxes’ Belvoir estate. He was introduced to George William, who became a good friend over the years. He also met the influential Col. Fairfax, who George looked up to as a mentor. Of course, he also became acquainted with Sally at this time. Given her beauty, brains and social standing, it is not hard to imagine that George developed feelings for her. But given the situation — she being married, her social standing, his lack thereof — nothing would come of their affection for one another. But they did hold onto a lifelong fondness for one another. The exact nature of that, only they knew.
But the fact that George spoke highly of Martha in his letter to Sally, and that George William and Sally were frequent visitors to Mount Vernon until the Revolution, whatever feelings or flirtations that had existed, were in the past.
The Washington family home, Mount Vernon, with its porch views of the Potomac River. Photo courtesy of George Washington's Mount Vernon.
The Washingtons At Mount Vernon
Back to our original love story. George and Martha were married in January of 1758 at Martha’s home in New Kent County, and the couple, along with Martha’s surviving two children, moved to Mount Vernon in the spring of 1759. A friend, Capt. Robert Stewart, congratulated George on his “happy union with the Lady that all agree has long been the just object of your affections.”
By all accounts, this was the beginning of a happy, harmonious and prosperous time for the Washingtons. Having retired his military commission at the end of 1758, the ever-ambitious George now had the time to work on increasing his wealth through land and the running of Mount Vernon. Martha, experienced in managing an estate was an enormous help and worthy partner.
Washington would write in a letter to a business associate later that year: “I am now I believe fixed at this seat with an agreeable Consort for life and hope to find more happiness in retirement than I ever experienced amidst a wide and bustling World.”
Mount Vernon, in addition to being their home and source of income, was also a place for entertaining as part of their roles as Virginia gentry. The Washingtons made an impressive team. Martha was said to be an excellent and attentive hostess with a warm, friendly style. George, now a member of the House of Burgesses, knew the importance of entertaining in establishing and maintaining connections with fellow businessmen and politicians who would be leading the colonies and eventually a new nation. They entertained frequently — about a third to half of their time each year was devoted to hosting dinners and overnight guests.
During this time, there were tragedies and setbacks that further strengthened the already solid relationship between George and Martha. Their daughter, Patsy, began having seizures at the age of 12 and after one particularly violent seizure, died in 1773 at the age of 17. In response, George stopped all business dealings and stayed by Martha’s side for the next three months, which he observed was “the lowest ebb of [her] Misery.”
A Revolutionary Couple
After George reluctantly became Commander-in-Chief of the Continental Army in 1775, life changed significantly for the Washingtons. In his new role, George would spend the next eight years away from Mount Vernon, but Martha was determined that she would do what she could to be part of his life regardless.
As wife of the Commander-in-Chief, Martha assumed a much more public role. During the winters, when fighting stopped, George would have Martha join them at the winter camp, regardless of where it was. She would stay for months at a time, organizing social functions to boost morale, copying letters in George’s office, representing her husband at functions, and occasionally visiting sick or wounded soldiers. These trips were the first outside of Virginia for Martha. Though she found them exhausting and depressing, she was nonetheless determined to support her husband as well as the patriot cause.
Below is one of only a handful of letters that exist between George and Martha, penned in June of 1775, while George was away from Mount Vernon. Martha, as well as life at Mount Vernon, is clearly where his heart belongs.
My dearest,
As I am within a few Minutes of leaving this City, I could not think of departing from it without dropping you a line; especially as I do not know whether it may be in my power to write you again til I get to the Camp at Boston — I go fully trusting in that Providence, which has been more bountiful to me than I deserve, & in full confidence of a happy meeting with you sometime in the Fall — I have no time to add more, as I am surrounded with Company to take leave of me — I retain an unalterable affection for you, which neither time or distance can change, my best love to Jack & Nelly, & regard for the rest of the Family concludes me with the utmost truth & sincerity.
Your entire,
Go: Washington
The First First Couple
The Washington's bedchamber. Photo courtesy of George Washington’s Mount Vernon.
With the end of the Revolutionary War, the Washingtons were fully prepared to enjoy retirement at Mount Vernon. But once again, duty called and the Washingtons answered. When George was elected the first President of the United States, Martha was there as a source of support for her husband and the budding nation. Shortly after the inauguration in 1789, Martha, along with two of her four grandchildren (son, Jack died during the war, so the Washingtons agreed to help raise them), moved to New York, which was temporarily set up as the nation’s capital. While life in a large city was a huge change for Martha, there would be familiarity in her role as the wife of the president. Her experience as hostess at Mount Vernon was perfect preparation for her role as Lady Washington (the term First Lady would be coined much later).
So, while George was busy developing a new government, he, once again, relied on Martha to use her considerable skills as a hostess. Always mindful of the fact that she was setting a standard for future wives of presidents, she began holding weekly receptions for congressmen, visiting dignitaries, and local community members. And as before, she did this with charm. Privately, however, she confided that she felt “more like a state prisoner than anything else.”
Partners to the End
After two terms as president and the refusal to fulfill a third, the Washingtons finally returned to Mount Vernon in 1797. Their long-postponed retirement, which they imagined would stretch on for years, was sadly short-lived. George fell ill and died in 1799 at the age of 67. Martha went into mourning, closing their shared bedchamber where George died and moving to a third-floor chamber, where she spent most of her days. She died at the age of 70 in 1802.
Martha wished the bedchamber to be simple and functional. She used it much like an office, planning her schedule and writing letters. Photo courtesy of George Washington’s Mount Vernon.
We rely on our romantic partners to fulfill many needs and expectations over the course of our lifetime. We want friendship and partnership in addition to love, affection and respect. Though the way in which George and Martha came together may seem old-fashioned, the marriage they lived seems modern in every sense of the word. Over the course of their 40-year marriage, they became America’s first power couple: each with their strengths and a healthy respect for one another; each committed to achieving a common purpose; each holding a genuine affection towards one another. A true love story indeed.