Here for the Girls: Living Life With an Exclamation Point!

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René Bowditch and Mary Beth Gibson are surrogate mothers to the close tribe of women in Here for the Girls, or H4TG. They’re co-creators of this very special kind of support group for younger breast cancer survivors that describes itself as, “Not-your-typical... transformational!”

When Mary Beth and René’s paths first crossed at a 2006 event for breast cancer survivors, Mary Beth was 41 years old with three little boys under seven, the youngest was just two years old. Chemo was behind her, but she was facing a bilateral radical mastectomy and radiation. “Pretty much everyone attending that event was my mom’s age,” Mary Beth remembers now. “We had almost nothing in common except for breast cancer.”

René was invited in her capacity as The Good Health Fairy, who dresses in a ball gown, pink high tops, sparkly wings, a wand and bejeweled tiara. René occasionally adopts this fun alter ego to support and encourage others. She was 55, four years out from her own breast cancer diagnosis and dealing with the challenges of sudden, chemically-induced menopause. The two connected and agreed that younger women faced issues that were not commonly being addressed. Why not start their own support group designed specifically for survivors diagnosed before menopause? And so, it began.

That first meeting at René’s Williamsburg home started small, but they soon enlisted the help of local doctors to send many new members their way. This supportive circle of women eventually chose “Beyond Boobs!” for their group’s cheeky name, determined not to be defined by their breasts or their disease. “A sense of humor goes a long way,” Mary Beth says with a smile, “and so does a positive attitude. The name also reminds us to live life with an exclamation point, not a period.”

“During meetings,” recalls René, “we heard the same story often, that many times diagnoses were significantly delayed by false assumptions. Breast cancer in younger women is usually found at a later stage because, simply put, nobody’s looking for it. Our concerns or symptoms were sometimes minimized by doctors. We’d been told we were ‘too young to worry about such things.’”

The women discussed every aspect of their common disease and swapped chemo survival tips, healthy recipes, or fashion and makeup advice. Newbies were welcomed and showered with enthusiastic empathy as well as helpful information. “We emphasize wellness and healthy lifestyles at meetings to help our young survivors live their best lives,” Mary Beth says.

No topic is off the table at these gatherings, including, often hilariously, sex. Fearlessly, they plunge into the deepest topics together. There are often equal amounts of tears and laughter as fierce bonds of friendship form that will last a lifetime. For some, these bonds endure even beyond life, as members continue to care for loved ones left behind by their friends. It takes rare courage to befriend someone you may have to mourn.

As their ranks grew, so did their wisdom and vision, so the women decided to extend their reach to others. There were many things, they agreed, they wish they’d known earlier, so much they had learned about prevention and detection. It was time to share their hard-earned knowledge publicly and form a non-profit.

The first project for Beyond Boobs! was to promote awareness with a cleverly written breast health manual disguised as a calendar. Featured in its beautifully photographed pages were the first calendar girls, “Boobers” eager to tell their stories. These annual calendars aim to educate and encourage survivors to “Fight Like a Girl!”, while debunking myths such as painful lumps can’t be cancerous. They include reminders to perform breast self-exams monthly. Often too young for their first screening mammograms, many members discovered their cancers themselves. René says, “Our motto is: If you’re old enough to have them, you’re old enough to check them!”

“The calendar has been extremely successful,” Mary Beth chimes in, “and our latest, the twelfth, premiered at our annual H4TG Gala in September.” The goal is to get the word out and to use fun and humor to do so in a way that doesn’t scare people into immobility or denial. “We’ll cheerfully march in parades wearing t-shirts emblazoned on the chest, ‘Check These Out! (Once a Month)’ if it helps save lives.”

H4TG is the corporate mothership where the group’s two divisions dock. Beyond Boobs! is the original entity, with chapters throughout Richmond, Tidewater, and Northern Virginia, as well as several other states, while Pink Link is a 24/7 online virtual support group they absorbed in 2015. H4TG is the unifying umbrella under which they both now operate.

Its services are funded solely with revenue from donations, events, and community support, and the group receives no money from federal or state government. At least 87 cents of every dollar raised goes directly into their programs. “Much of our organization’s fabulous staff is volunteer,” Mary Beth informs us with pride. This model is one that all chapters follow.

René continues, “Our area is transient, and many of our members wanted to start new groups when they moved. We needed a replicable format, and William & Mary’s Mason School of Business helped us with that last year. Five amazing MBA students spent a year on this project, so we now can share this organizational kit with anyone who’d like to start another H4TG group.”

Their services are free and ongoing as long as needed, because the aftermath of this disease may last a lifetime. You’ll see all ages at meetings, from the occasional teen to grandmas. Some have been in remission for years, then face it again later.

“We like to say we function like a herd of elephants,” the founding duo says. “In the wild, when one member is sick or wounded, they all, young and old, gather around and lean in, supporting her and holding her up. When one of us sends out an internet S.O.S., pictures of elephants come flying her way, along with encouraging words, prayers, and offers of meals or childcare. We all lean in. Other, larger organizations focus on a cure. We’d rather emphasize support and education and stay small in scope, taking a boutique approach so we don’t lose the intimacy.”

Members bond even closer at an annual beachfront retreat. This year four houses in Sandbridge were shared by 85 survivors. “It gets pretty intense!” René laughs. The 2018 theme was, “My Journey, My Story,” and incorporated writing workshops and photography lessons. One home was turned into a day spa named “Mermaid Cove” in memory of their late friend, mermaid enthusiast Stephanie Castleman-Argue. There, women had access to massage therapists, reflexologists, or aestheticians.

“René and I really loved the drumming circle on the beach. We beat on this enormous mother drum for an hour and a half; we were the heartbeat rhythm underlying all the others. We are the Mothers!” Mary Beth declares with a grin of remembered joy.

As enviable as their close bonds of fellowship are, nobody really wants to join this exclusive sisterhood; the price of admission is too high. But for those who do qualify, rest easy. Until breast cancer is finally eradicated, René Bowditch and Mary Beth Gibson will always be there for their girls.