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Paul and Ellen Copeland dodging dried lavender
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Sarah Thrift
There are moments in our lives that we want to remember forever. For many, our wedding day is planned meticulously to be a series of unforgettable moments that include traditions that we have enjoyed our entire lives. Across the nation and across the globe, there are beautiful traditions that we have come to expect when we attend a wedding, and we look forward to celebrating these traditions alongside the newlyweds.
Incorporating wedding traditions that have been passed down from generation to generation gives your guests a small taste of the beautiful history and rich culture that has helped shape you. There are family traditions, cultural traditions, and regional traditions, but there are also exciting traditions that are enjoyed by almost everyone. Blending the traditions from two families that are now united is a great way to begin your new journey and enjoying the traditions that have been a part of almost every wedding ever attended takes on new meaning when it is enjoyed at your own wedding.
There is a common thread of tradition that flows through most weddings. From beautiful white gowns and rose petals to glorious music, planning the perfect day always includes time honored traditions that have been passed down from generation to generation. Behind each of those traditions is a story of how it became part of weddings today. There are many theories as to how each tradition came to be. However, they are fun to read and knowing a bit of the history that has shaped tradition is a delightful way to add depth to your wedding celebration.
Most couples start by setting the date. If you are looking forward to fulfilling your nuptial dreams, June is the most popular month to get married. While many would think that June became the most popular month to walk down the aisle because of sunshine and beautiful weather, it might surprise you to know that the tradition of getting married in June actually dates back to Roman times. The Roman goddess Juno was said to rule over marriage and childbirth. Therefore, being married in June was thought to honor her and encourage her blessing over the marriage, including the fertility for the newlyweds.
Before the bride to be can begin to plan the day of her dreams, the groom has the heavy task of planning an unforgettable proposal. No matter how extravagant or understated the proposal, it is traditional for the man to get down on one knee and offer his true love a ring while he asks for her hand in marriage.
The ring is circular, having no end and no beginning. It is therefore a perfect symbol of infinite love. It is to be worn on the third finger of the left hand. This stems from ancient Rome where they believed that the vein in that particular finger ran directly to the heart.
The tradition of kneeling has been around for centuries and can be traced back to signs of respect. From kneeling in prayer to kneeling before royalty, getting down on one knee shows humility and surrender. Centuries ago, surrender at the end of a battle was signified by the losing party kneeling to the victors. To this day, a man kneeling before the woman he loves is a sign of respect, honor, and total surrender.
The kneeling approach is much more loving and endearing than the ancient practice of “marriage by capture.” While we may think that this practice is wildly barbaric, it is shocking how many traditions we include in our wedding plans that are rooted in this very practice. Before we had bridesmaids and maids of honor, there were only groomsmen. Sadly, they were not gentleman like we expect. They were a brute squad of men that would accompany a man who wanted to steal a woman from a neighboring village.
The groom would see a woman he wanted, sneak in, and steal her away from her family. Of course, this did not always go as smoothly as one would hope, so the brute squad was there to fight off angry friends and relatives as the groom rode away with his bride. The groom would hold his bride with his left arm and fight off others with his right. Therefore, the bride traditionally stands on the left during a ceremony.
Considering the kidnapping, or “proposal,” it shouldn’t be a surprise that getting his new bride into the wedding chamber was also not very easy, so he would carry or drag her across the threshold. As the practice of stealing a woman became highly frowned upon by society, the act of being carried across the threshold transformed into a much more romantic tradition. At one time, it was considered lady-like for the new bride to be a bit hesitant to give herself over to her new husband. Therefore, the groom would gently lift her up and carry her into the bridal chamber.
Although stealing a woman became less acceptable, the fun of the tradition was practiced long afterwards. The abductions became a fun-filled escapade of capturing the bride and whisking her away to a secret location where the bride and groom would hide for 30 days. During that time, a friend or family member would supply the couple with honey wine. When the 30-day time-period was up, it completed the cycle and equaled one honeymoon.
The tradition of not seeing each other before the ceremony on the day of the wedding stems from arranged marriages. The fear was that the bride and groom may see each other and have second thoughts about the union. In those days, women were more thought of as property and fathers had the option of giving their daughter away, often for a price. This is where we get the tradition of giving away the bride.
Many of the traditions of today were founded in the fear of the unknown. Today we plan weddings where bridesmaids and groomsmen dress alike, but originally the uniformity was done as an attempt to confuse evil spirits or jealous suitors that may try to stop the wedding. Even the veil that has come to represent innocence was originally used to conceal the identity of the bride so that evil spirits would not have the opportunity to ruin the union.
Ringing the bells on a wedding day stems from an Irish traditional belief that the sound of the bells would ward off evil spirits, so even the bride would hide small bells in her bouquet, just in case. They also symbolized a harmonious life for the couple, and therefore all evil spirits were warned to stay away with the ringing of the bells.
The white bridal gown was made widely popular in the Victorian Era when Queen Victoria wore an embroidered white silk-satin gown. Her choice to wear white was very controversial in her day. The bold statement she made was one of purity and simplicity, but it also told her people that she supported them as the materials used were all British-made.
Floral bouquets were originally made with aromatic garlic, herbs, and grains that were believed to drive away evil spirits as the bride made her way down the aisle. During the Middle Ages, garlic and dill were used to protect the bride from the plague. She would clutch them over her mouth and nose in a desperate effort to ward off disease. Over time the herbs that were used to drive away evil spirits and the plague gave way to blooming flowers that symbolized fertility, everlasting love and survival.
Throwing the bouquet is from the English belief that the bride was endowed with good luck. Therefore, when the celebration was over, guests would try to rip pieces of the brides dress and grab her flowers in order to somehow gain some of her luck. The flowers were thrown to distract the guests while the bride got away. In like tradition, throwing the garter came from France. Just as in England, guests would rush the bride to get a piece of her dress so the garter was tossed while the bride ran.
“Tying the knot,” comes from the popular practice of literally tying the hands of the bride and groom together. In Europe during the Renaissance period, the ceremony of Hand Fasting symbolized a contract of marriage between two people by the joining of their hands together for a specific amount of time. Traditionally, the time-period was a year and one day. When the time had passed, they could renew the contract or consider it fulfilled and move on. Today, the Hand Fasting ceremony can be incorporated into the formal wedding ceremony or used in place of an engagement party.
Jewish wedding ceremonies end with the ceremonial breaking of the glass. A Jewish marriage ceremony is considered a reenactment of the marriage between God and the Jewish people that took place at Mount Sinai, and each wedding day is a personal Yom Kippur—the most sacred and holiest day in one’s life. The breaking of the glass commemorates the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem some 2000 years ago.
The destruction of the Holy Temple commemorates the fall of Jerusalem, but it is a reminder of the cataclysmic shattering of the ultimate temple, the soul. Before birth, the two soulmates are believed to be one soul, separated when born into this world, with the mission to find each other and reunite. While apart, the souls develop as individuals only to reunite under the chupah, or marriage canopy. When the glass is shattered, the congratulatory wish of “Mazel Tov!” is immediately shouted.
The parallel is that the Temple was not just a building. It was where heaven and earth could meet. When the temple was ruined, the Jewish people were ripped away from their soulmate, God. The only healing to this fragmented soul is unity. Marriage is the ultimate unity, so the glass is shattered to remind the Jewish couple that ultimate healing comes when they are united with their ultimate Soulmate.
At the end of the celebration, many couples will drive away with a string of cans or shoes tied to the bumper of the getaway car. The tradition of the cans comes from the practice of shivaree, where friends and family would come to the window of the newlyweds and beat pots and pans together until they appeared in full wedding attire and fed their guests until they were satisfied enough to leave. The shoes were traditionally handed to the groom by the father of the bride, symbolizing her inability to run without her shoes.
As a final wish or hope to the bride and groom, guests traditionally throw rice, birdseed or dried lavender. Originally the guests would throw oats, wheat, corn or a grain of some kind. Tossing these at the bride and groom was meant to shower the newlyweds with prosperity, fertility and good fortune.
Learning that many of our wedding traditions are rooted in a diversity of beliefs allows us to choose what we do and do not want to incorporate into our wedding day. However, knowing that we may not agree with the roots of some traditions, why would we still practice them? Perhaps the answer lies in the simple traditional poem that many couples still practice today.
Something old, something new,
Something borrowed, something blue.
Something old reminds us of where we have been. It ties us to the history that has made us who we are. Although the original substance might be lost or irrelevant to what we believe today, the truth of what they were meant to be is still interwoven into the very fabric of who we are and should not be forgotten. Something new is what we become when we tie ourselves to another person and find hope in who we will become together as we begin a life with them. Something borrowed reminds us that we cannot walk this life alone and that we can always depend on those who love us. Something blue is a hope for prosperity and the hope of passing down our traditions, both the old and the new, to future generations.
So, as you plan your perfect day or as you help to plan the perfect day for another, take time to understand the traditions that you incorporate in the special day. You may even find a new tradition that will make your wedding day an event that your guests remember forever.